oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
