Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
