We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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