I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
