woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
