so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
