I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
