I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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