I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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