Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I FOUND THE LEGS
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