He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
