my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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