I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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