whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
