I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
nutella sex= disaster
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
