1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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