Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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