No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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