Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize