Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I deserve this hangover.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
