why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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