he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
