perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
