they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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