So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
