I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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