either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
