The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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