Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
