it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
