I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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