I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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