It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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