I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
