he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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