I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
