I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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