I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
