nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
