Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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