So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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