you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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