WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i think my mom watched the whole time
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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