what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
