Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
