i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
