Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
