so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm both gender and math confused
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
