i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
