remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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