I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
