Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
