i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
