dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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