we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Randomize
