so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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