You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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