all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
