She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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