Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
