I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
