New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
