My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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