I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
