dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
