so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
