bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
