Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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