Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
