If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The best revenge is premature balding
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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