our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
