When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
