all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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