Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
