god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
